Pushing Past the Fear of Being Judged

Pushing Past the Fear of Being Judged

Pushing Past the Fear of Being Judged

This topic certainly cut close for me because it is the number one reason I have not gone after some of my goals in the past. It is the number one reason I have played down my own ambitions and desires. It is the number one reason I have stayed quiet and let others take the spotlight when I know I could do a better job.

I have literally said out loud that I didn’t want things that I actually really did want. The sole reason I did it was to avoid judgement.

Some of the thoughts I have experienced include:

What If I put myself out there and others look down their nose at me and ask who the hell I think I am?

What if they look at my work and laugh at me?

What if they pick me apart and find something they can use against me?

It would be great to say that none of those things ever happened. But the truth is that when you start putting yourself out there, people will notice and some of them will look for reasons to shoot you down. All of the above are actually not ‘what ifs’, they are all things that I’ve experienced and are all things that I’ve allowed to affect me more than I should have.

Yet here I am still plugging away and most importantly, learning how to deal with it to the point where I now feel that I can grow my business without fearing other people’s judgement.

Here’s a few things I have learned:

Make an effort to be less judgemental yourself

I am not preaching from the high ground here. I am human like everyone else and find myself daily having to consciously override a natural tendency to make judgements about others without knowing all the facts or really, anything about their story.

However, the good thing is that once you start making this conscious effort, and being fairer to others, the things that you are most self-conscious about start seeming less daunting. 

Don’t buy in to people’s BS

In business, when you see or hear people using complicated language and buzzwords to describe what they do and you find yourself thinking things like “They must be smarter than me”, remember, that’s the idea. The intent is to protect their piece of turf by making what they do sound more complicated than it actually is.

The irony is that themost successful people get that way by discussing what they do in a way that i seasily understood and resonates with people. So rather than fear the judgement of people whose existence relies on smoke and mirrors, make what you do accessible by simplifying it for others.

Find your unique value

Our own fear of being judged largely comes from comparing ourselves to others in our field. So, wanna know one way to not compare yourself to others and feel less judged? Make yourself incomparable.

We have a habit of noticing other people’s strengths and comparing ourselves on those items. Instead, identify YOUR strengths and put them out in to the world.

Be okay with others’ opinions

This is similar but slightly different to popular mantras such as “I don’t care what others think of me’ or “What other people think of you is none of your business”.

When I hear people say things like that, it suggests to me recklessness and a lack of consideration. I prefer to say “I’m okay with others think of me whether it be good, bad, or indifferent.”

Saying the same thing but from a different perspective. The difference is that framing it this way empowers you to focus your energy on the ‘good’ and let the bad and indifferent go.

Learn to distinguish constructive criticism from criticism

When you start putting your voice out into the world, there’s going to be some push back. There’s nothing you can do to stop it so you need to learn how to know what is worth paying attention to and what you should just let pass right on by.

If somebody has constructive criticism to offer, firstly they will be qualified to offer it because they have been on the same journey. Secondly they will generally approach you in an amicable way and engage you in a conversation.

If somebody just wants to criticise it is rarely ever about you. It’s usually about making themselves feel better about their own shortcomings by putting someone else down. Research shows that if you pose a threat to someone else’s ego, they are more likely to judge you negatively regardless of your actual ability.

Learn to sort the gold from the garbage – and don’t go playing in the dumpster.

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3 Ways Improving Your Speaking Skills is Like Making a Cake

3 Ways Improving Your Speaking Skills is Like Making a Cake

3 Ways Improving Your Speaking Skills is Like Making a Cake

1. It can get messy…and that’s ok

Everyone knows that when you make a cake you’re supposed to end up with a messy kitchen, otherwise you’re not having fun in the process right?

When you first start making an effort to improve your speaking skills it will often involve discomfort as you try to adopt a new mindset, learn to organise your content, and use your vocal variety and movements in ways that might seem strange at first.

Like anything, it will take time and practise and there will still be times when it won’t go smoothly. That’s okay.

One of the main purposes of doing a workshop or course, or having a coach, is to have the opportunity to try new things and mess up in a safe space where nobody is going to judge you.

2. There are some must-have ingredients

When you make a cake you need to add certain things like eggs to bind the other ingredients, milk to add moisture, and baking soda to make it rise. When you eat the cake, you can’t see these individual ingredients but you know they are there.

Likewise, effective speaking involves a combination of things that you might not be able to isolate individually but they need to be there.

For me, those ingredients are mindset, content, delivery and audience analysis.

If you don’t address your mindset, you can end up being overwhelmed by your nerves. What if you don’t make sure make sure the content is right? Or your delivery is underwhelming and you don’t take time to understand exactly what your audience needs? These are all things that can bring down the final product.

3. There needs to be a method to it all

When you make a cake not only do you need the essential ingredients, you also need to follow a process, aka a recipe, to get the desired result.

When improving your speaking skills, a good strategy will bring together all the essential ingredients to produce the desired outcome.

For me, that outcome is speaking with confidence and clarity, and connecting with your audience.

 

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Afraid To Put Yourself ‘Out There’?

Afraid To Put Yourself ‘Out There’?

Afraid To Put Yourself ‘Out There’?

I had a new client in my office earlier in the week who said they were reluctant to post about their business on social media, write blog posts, or go and speak to groups.

The reasons?

Fear of being judged. Getting negative feedback. Saying something wrong and looking stupid.

While it might seem like everyone is putting themselves out there these days, it’s actually still quite common for people to feel reluctant about jumping in.

So, if this sounds like you, here are few bits of advice to help you take that step…

1. The fact that you have a self-filter is a positive thing

The philosopher Plato is quoted as saying, ‘Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”

Caring about the quality and value of your message will serve you well. Lord knows a bit of humility in the ‘selfie age’ is a refreshing thing. But…not everything you say has to be earth shattering and there comes a point when it’s time to just get on with it (see next tip).

2. You can’t expect to be perfect all the time

If you are waiting for everything to be completely perfect you’ll probably die in the process. If you have a valuable message, why deprive people of it just because the presentation is not immaculate?

3. The Dunning-Kruger Effect

Research conducted at Cornell University (by David Dunning and Justin Kruger) found that the higher someone’s level of skill related to a particular task, the lower they rated their own ability. Meanwhile, the same research showed that people who were incompetent at the same tasks, yep you guessed it, were quite happy to blow their own trumpet blissfully unaware of their lack of skill.

If you have reservations, feel reassured it’s a good sign. It science after all!

4. Some people just aren’t worth worrying about

You will need to accept that once you start making some noise not everyone will like it. The good news is that the haters are probably just that – negative people with little else to occupy them. Focus on the people who you can help and who value your advice.

Here is a great article that discusses some of the people you can feel free to ignore.

5. Test your ideas on someone else and give them time to soak

Let’s be honest, there are times when people do show a lack of judgement that comes back to bite them. So yes, if you are prone to a bit of ‘foot in mouth’ it is a good idea to have someone you trust to run your ideas past before you unleash them on the world. The good thing is, if they see value in what you have to say, you can be certain there will be others who feel the same.

Of course, by planning ahead what content you are going to put out, you might find you feel differently when the time comes to publish. What seemed like a good idea on the spur of the moment a week ago might not seem so now. I know there have been times when I have felt compelled to write a post with the wrong motivations but giving it some time has saved me a lot of hassle.

Over to you…

How do you feel about  putting yourself ‘out there’?

Do you have any more tips that might be useful for someone feeling this way?

I’d love to hear from you.

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Contact David Wise

0427 360 293
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